Flow (psychology)

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Remember that it is the BEHAVIOUR that results from your internal drives (motives) which produce or limit success. Your behaviours are measurable, observable and outward expressions of what your conscious or subconscious priorities.

Well ahead of my next video-posts have a look at this…..

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They agreed it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed. He asked his students again if the jar was full? They agreed yes, it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life.

“The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children — anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed.

“The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, your house, your car.

“The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you will never have room for the things that are truly most important. Pay attention to the things that are critical in your life. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just pebbles and sand.”

Written by Celia S Hecht

Sometimes we believe we are full of ideas, knowledge and beliefs when it is the space between the filling, the gaps which ache for recognition… the pain and the inability or lack of desire for change.

Is there SPACE within your perceptions and beliefs for new ideas?

Alan

Enjoy

Alan

The question that comes to mind must be… “Magic – Really??”

OK – well let me first say that as a Rational Mystic, I see the power and usefulness of ‘walking between worlds’.

There is the ‘rational’, ‘objective’ world where we can really question processes, cause and effect …

Then there is the ‘personal’, ‘subjective world’ in which we experience life and ourselves – it can have a decidedly mystical or magical flavour if so desired.

The skill is, I believe, finding ways to navigate the inner (personal) world and the outer (rational) world.

Magic is more than metaphor – perhaps it is psychology in action?

The Magician has always sought to engage in philosophy, science and ritual practice to bring about change in accordance with will. The purpose of their operations has been to ‘transcend self’, to ‘understand the divine’ and hence themselves.

It could be argued that this is the same journey we take as people – from understanding ego, personal to self.

Magical ritual is a formalised approach to creating a mental, physical and ‘spiritual’ focus of intention.

“Low Magic” has tended to be magic aimed at the material world – health, wealth, love and so on.

“High Magic” has the focus of attaining ‘oneness’ with the divine.

I think that some of the esoteric practices, when framed in a psycho-spiritual way, are worthy of exploration.

The immediate reaction to such a statement from modern folk will stem from their observations of the New Age Space Cadet who, in my opinion, is not only unbalanced but is simply playing in a shallow, superficial way, with some of the magical ideas that have been picked-up from vacuous, popularised sources.

It is my contention that by seeking to understand magical and mystical traditions we can learn more about ourselves and our inner worlds. That does not mean, however, we have to forgo the world of the rational or engage in scientific exploration with a keen sense of sceptical and critical thinking…

On the contrary for if we are not to loose ourselves upon our self-referential mystical journeys such grounding is essential – hence Rational Mysticism.

Alan

This book is an eclectic mix of comments, mini-essays and provocative opinions on topics such as Near Death Experiences, Witchcraft, Qabalah, Neurology, Psychology, The Secret, Spiritualism and the Paranormal in general.

Written so that you can dip in and out of the pages as you wish and with the express intention of offering an explanation of Rational Mysticism – what it is, what it implies and how to treat yourself if you catch it – this is the ideal coffee time read.

Depending upon your particular persuasion (sceptic or believer) you will probably find yourself provoked, annoyed and challenged by some of the things in these pages.

But that’s the point… As Alan says “Playing Devil’s Advocate can provoke thinking and discussion. But if that bothers you just remember that EVERYTHING in this book is a LIE!”

You can buy the book here or check out the download..

So many of our behavioural responses are generated from a mixture of conscious and unconscious processes and we rarely take the time to think about just what is going on in the ‘black box’ of our mind.

We accept the apparent behavioural choices which pop up in our consciousness when present with a particular situation and assume that they are the options we have – they are the basis of our free will.

This, of course, is not the case.

In so many ways what we are consciously aware of is the result of what our unconscious has already processed – so we consciously respond to only a limited set of choices.

Of course our unconscious is largely on our side so in most cases it’s filtering process is effective.

It is possible, however, that our unconscious has learned some limitations; that it has developed some protective mechanisms which are out of alignment with who we are, who we think we are and who we aspire to be.

In such cases talking directly to the unconscious might be of value.

Therapeutic Hypnosis, which is based upon the work of Milton Erickson, is an approach which allows for such a conversation.

There are many forms of Trancework, indeed some conversational change patterns in NLP require a degree of trance and dream re-entry techniques, SAR etc also utilise a trance work to a greater or lesser degree.

Therapeutic Hypnosis uses story and metaphor to engage the unconscious mind in considering how it does what it does.

It is a dynamic way to engage in personal change.

For those interested innlearning about the process InspireNLP offers an 18 taught day Diploma in Therapeutic Hyonosis.

The next one starts on the weekend of the 8th and 9th October 2011 and then runs for 9 weekends, roughly once a month. This particular training takes place in Penzance, Cornwall and further details can be obtained from:

alan@aljones.net

No matter how painful an experience may be, the journey through it is something that cannot be avoided.

Theraputically there is the notion of ‘closure’.

It implies that people journey through some kind of grief process which ends in somekind of resolution. We hear of families seeking ‘closure’ through the return of a loved ones remians after a fatal incident; or of the parents of missing (presumed murdered) children needing to know ‘where the bodies’ are buried in order to achieve ‘closure’.

Of course these things are important and of course the ‘need for information’ and ‘reconnection’ with loved ones is important. But does this actually result in ‘closure’. One wonders if the ‘myth’ of closure is the ‘myth’ of thinking that once something ‘extenal’ has been achieved then internal peace will descend.

The final papes in a divorce, for example, may mark an end of a marriage, an important relationship but may not (and may never) bring an end to the feelings associated with the lost relationship.

The burial, internment or cremation of a passed loved one is an important ritual but to be told, or expecting, that it will bring ‘closure’ is a perhaps nonsensical.

The term originates in Gestalt psychology, but the popular notion of closure emerged through the victims’ rights, pop psychology, and self-help movements of recent decades. By the 1990s, the concept had become a cultural commonplace, and today is cited in industries from marketing to politics.

In a recent book, “Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What It Costs Us,” by sociologist Nancy Berns the idea of ‘closure’ is challenged.

In a recent interview Berns, an associate professor of sociology at Drake University, spoke to a reported from the magazine Ideas.

IDEAS: What do you mean when you say that closure doesn’t exist?

BERNS: The idea of closure [is seen] as a new emotional state for explaining what we need and how we’re supposed to respond to trauma and loss. But closure is a rhetorical concept, a made-up term . . . .Closure is not something that we can simply find or something we need. It’s a frame used to explain how we should respond to loss.

IDEAS: So you’re saying it’s an empty concept?

BERNS: People might believe it exists, and if the concept of closure helps them in sharing or thinking about their own story, that’s fine, that might help them. But a concern is that they try and turn around and tell other people “you need closure,” or when people assume that everyone understands closure the same way they do and that everyone experiences it the same way.

IDEAS: You wrote in your book that “Closure is not the only narrative in our culture for understanding how to respond to trauma, but it has become a dominant one.” How important and popular has closure become?

BERNS: It’s not the dominant narrative in research in bereavement, but it is in popular culture. Those who are working with people who are grieving tend to be less likely to use the concept . . . .[But] people are told they need closure whether we’re talking about bad relationships or terrorist attacks, so it’s a wide variety of issues. We also see closure become an essential part of sales talks, whether it’s in funeral, grief, or relationship advice industries, as well as a political argument for issues ranging from the death penalty to memorials . . . .Closure really has saturated our popular culture . . . because it’s an effective way to sell ideas and to sell politics and products. As a result, people have come to believe that they do need closure.

IDEAS: What products and services do people sell in the name of closure?

BERNS: Funeral home directors use the concept of closure to encourage people to use their services; forensic pathologists try and sell autopsies using the idea of closure; wrongful death attorneys use closure to sell the idea of suing others in order to get peace; psychics tell people they can get closure through their services . . . .They cannot guarantee anyone closure; they probably don’t know even what it means to other people. They’re exploiting the grief and the pain in order to sell these products.

IDEAS: The subtitle of your book is “The Rush to End Grief and What It Costs Us.” Ending grief is a good thing in most cases, isn’t it?

BERNS: The closure narrative assumes that grief is bad and that it’s something that needs to end, and it assumes that closure is possible and that it’s something good and something that people need to have. Grief is a difficult, messy experience and can be very painful. A lot of people carry loss and grief for much of their lives, but that doesn’t mean that the pain is as intense as it was the first few months. You carry that loss and grief, but you learn how to integrate that into your life . . . .We grieve for a reason. We grieve because we miss the person who died, or because of whatever loss we’re experiencing. Our grief expresses how we’re feeling and allows us to acknowledge that loss. So asking or expecting someone to try and end that quickly is really misunderstanding the importance of those emotions.

IDEAS: What are the implications of applying this undefined term to a national tragedy, like 9/11?

BERNS: The concept of closure distorts our understanding of what the grieving process is like, so to expect that some event – whether it’s a memorial or the death of bin Laden – is going to bring closure misrepresents the grief and loss that people are going to continue to feel. I think that we’re in a culture where we expect tidy, feel-good endings [in] our news and entertainment worlds, which are so blended together . . . people kind of expect that there’s going to be some kind of closure to an event and we can move on. Another thing to consider is how we might be losing other possible ways of framing what happened on 9/11.

IDEAS: I’ve been thinking of a quote from your book, from Dr. Frank Ochberg: “Closure is a myth but progress is not.”

BERNS: That’s exactly right. The concern is that people believe that they have to have this thing called closure to move on. And that’s just not true: People don’t need closure. That’s just one way to talk about grief. You don’t need it to begin healing and to find progress in learning how to live with a loss.

Interview quoted from: Boston.com

“It’s been assumed that the process of retrieving a memory is cued by an external stimulus,” said Charan Ranganath, professor at the UC Davis Center for Neuroscience and Department of Psychology. “But we found that the levels of brain activity before items came up were correlated with memory.”

Graduate students Richard Addante and Andrew Watrous; Ranganath; Andrew Yonelinas, professor of psychology at the UC Davis Center for Mind and Brain; and Arne Ekstrom, assistant professor of psychology at the Center for Neuroscience, measured a particular frequency of brainwaves called theta oscillations in the brains of volunteers during a memory test.

Theta waves are associated with a brain that is actively monitoring something, Ranganath said. For example, rats show high theta waves while exploring a maze.

In the memory test, the volunteers had to memorize a series of words with a related context. They later had to recall whether they had seen the word previously and the context in which the word was seen.

High theta waves immediately before being prompted to remember an item were associated with better performance.

The work goes against the assumption that the brain is waiting to react to the external world, Ranganath said. In fact, most of the brain is busy with internal activity that is not related to the outside world – and when external stimuli come in, they interact with these spontaneous patterns of activity.

It’s not clear whether it is possible to deliberately put your brain into a better state for memory recall, Ranganath said. The laboratory is currently investigating that area – with the hope that it might lead to better treatments for memory loss.

Press Release Source

Now before I say anything else please accept that I am not decrying the value of affirmations nor indeed the emotional support a personal religion can offer – however with from my own imposed Judaeo-Christian background I am aware that prayers to God are often of the kind which call for some kind of magical intervention. “God help me to…..”

Again this is not necessarily a bad thing – it can be life affirming to have a belief system which allows for that kind of ‘parental’ support from a personal God. The issue is, however, how much responsibility the individual who is praying is passing on to a supernatural force. The abdication of personal responsibility for change is, I would contend, not such a positive thing.

So back to this survey…

Scientists analyzed data on 30,080 adults ages 18 and older who took part in the National Health Interview Survey in 2002 and on 22,306 adults who participated in 2007.

49% of those surveyed said in 2007 they had prayed about their health in the previous year which was a slight increase from the 43% in 2002. The 2002 figure was, however, a massive increase from a previou figure of 14% in 1999.

Again my comments are not meant to be read as criticisms of any form of belief system, but a consideration that prayer could be seen as the last resort – a cry for help from people who feel they need ‘external support’ or perhaps even from those who feel they have no control in their own lives.

There is a direct link between what psychologists call the ‘Locus of Control’ and motivation. In essence if we feel disemepowered then we lack the motivation to help ourselves out of our current negative situation.

So, of course pray for support if that is part of your perosnal practice and belief system, any form of  emotional affirmation is a positive and valuable thing, but try to take more personal control of your life and your own situation to make the changes you want.

I am reminded of a story told to me by a Catholic friend.

“There was a man who was so in need of financial support that he went to the church to pray for God to help him win the lottery. Now its not that this man was a selfish man, indeed his financial problems were indirectly the result of always being willing to help. However his current position was that he need to find a few thousand pounds in a very short time. With no other option than to win the money, he decided to pray for a lottery win.

He went to  mid-week mass and prayed….. nothing

He went to weekend mass three times and prayed… nothing

He did this for four weeks…. nothing

Then, just as he was about to give up, at the very last mass…. God appeared…

The man was ecstatic – his prayers were about to be answered.

“Tell me agian, my child what do you pray for?” said the Deity…

The man bowed his head, fell to his kness and overcome with emotion stuttered… “I’ve tried to be a good man, I have been generous amd now I find myself in need of money – I need a lottery win”

God smiled and said…

“Well it help me if you actually went and brought a ticket!”

The point ??

Well my grandmother used to say, “The Lord helps those who try to help themselves”, and I guess that’s the main point.

By all means get the emotional support from your spiritual relationship with the creative source but make sure that you are not abdicating personal responsibility.

Alan